do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
