You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
