So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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