so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
