I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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