actually, I'm a sock model
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
