I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
