is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
