I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
