Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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