im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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