You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
