It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
