don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
