The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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