So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
