Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
