I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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