her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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