They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
