They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
