So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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