Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
