i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
