"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
