Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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