I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
