Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
