I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
