I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
