She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
