You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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