Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
