I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
