Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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