I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
