Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
