Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
