I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
