I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
