So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He passed out mid-signature
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
