I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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