Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
