Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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