tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
