Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
