I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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