Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She told me I should be a condom model.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
