Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
