Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
