you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
