I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
