I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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