it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
