Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
